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Should I leave my husband?

Mon, Apr 2nd 2007

We have been a couple for 16 years and have been married for 8. We have no children. Things have been generally good although 6 months ago I met a guy at work and we have fallen in love with each other. We feel like we are "soul mates", a concept I never believed in before. (He's been married 23 years and his kid is grown. He's unhappy and has been separated twice but has not had the courage to leave yet due mostly to financial reasons). Being with this guy has made me realize what my marriage is lacking. I have been doing everything in my marriage, and have not been getting much in return. I have a high powered job with lots of responsibility and my husband works for himself and plays on the computer with his friends the rest of the day. I feel like at age 36 I have grown up and he is still the same immature 21 year old guy I first met. I almost feel like I am his mother rather than his wife. I feel lonely all the time. I have realized that he does not meet my emotional needs like attention, affection, telling me I'm beautiful/wonderful, etc. Also I have always been independent and haven't asked much from him but now I've changed and I need to be "taken care of" more. I've talked to my husband a lot about this and he does not feel like he can give me what I need emotionally. He said he was fine with our marriage just as it was. He attempts to do what I ask when I need something from him but later he expresses resentment that I asked him to do something that made no sense to him. I'm in therapy and just started taking anti-anxiety medication. He won't go to therapy. I am ambivalent about leaving him - are unmet emotional needs reason enough to go? - it is also a possibility that the other guy will never leave his wife and then I will be alone. Is it better to stay in the marriage I've settled for than to be alone?

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