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Father is abusing and controlling my mother

Wed, Oct 3rd 2007

I hope you can help me or guide me in the right direction. My mother and father have been married for 32 years. When I was really little I don\'t ever remember theses problems accuring but as I got older in 5th or 6th grade I do remember. I\'m know 30 years old, married have a 15 mth old and live over a 100 miles away from home. My father has been on mom about her weith for years. He says she promised him before they got married she would never weigh more than 110 lbs. Well my mom isn\'t, she has dieted everyday that I can remember and fights losing wieght all the time. My dad has been violent over the years ripping the phone out of the wall numberous times when I try to call for help, throwing cereal bowl at the wall, hitting me, wrestling my mom down, getting a knife out and saying he was going to cut her fat off. He tells her he can\'t stand to look at her. Well this is one of many complaints he hate his job, he thinks my mom is a liar and is stealing the money they inherited from his parents when they passed. My mother has a daycare and she took care of my father\'s dad before he passed for 8 or 9mths. She did everything, she loved him has he was her own father and he loved he has a daughter. He told her before he passed, you work so hard, when I pass you will not have to work anymore. My dad says she is not allowed to the money. Since the passing of my grandfather in 2003, my dad\'s brother will no longer talk to any of our family. My husband I have contacteted him by email, phone, and sending letters & photos of our son. Never a response and my dad says it is because he hates my mom. But what did I do. My dad\'s sister still speaks with us, but not to my father. She told me when they talk it is always poor him and not how are you doing. When I was pregnant he told me on Father\'s day that he was not coming to see his his grandson if my mom was there because he is embrassed of her. He did end up coming. He has called me names and just recently was my birthday and he said he forget. But he told my mom he didn\'t call me becasue I didn\'t call him on his b-day. I did call him on his b-day, I was extremely busy all day and him around 7 in the evening and he hung up on me so I called his cell phone and left a voicemail saying happy b-day. When my sister and/or my family go back home to stay he does not come out of his room barley and if he does it is for only a few minutes to get a drink. My mother is like a slave to him she, caters to him all the time and makes up excuses. She has been on diet since April of this year and has lost almost 50lbs. She looks great and he is still complaining about her weight. The reason I\'m also wrting is my sister and I, they always involve us and it is very hard on the both of us. Last night my father called my sister and acted liek nothing was wrong, she then called him back after talking to my mother and finding out that he brought up some date my mother went on with some guy before they were married and they were broken up at the time, and was arguing about this and saying he watched her through binoculars and see he sleep with him. My mother has only been with my father and sometimes she says maybe I should have tried another shoe on but that wasn\'t me. My father has cheated on my mother when I was little and he told her. My mother has been a faithful and lovign wife. But back to my story last night he fight got heated and my father throw a remote at my mom and he nose started to bleed, he let the air out of her tires and she started to sound the alarm so he quit and came in the house. Then he locked her out and she told him if he didn\'t let her in she was going to call the cops, so he let her in. Keep in mind my mom does home daycare and she needed to go get grocery for today and did not have time to cancel on everyone. When she went to the store he timed her and if she wasn\'t back by the 15 minutes he was going to lock her out again. My sister, me everyone has told them to leave each other but for some reason they stay together and make everyone miserable along with them. My mom has told my father to leave and he says this is my house and all my stuff you leave. Well her source of income is there and that is her place of work. My father works out of the home and has several paid time off and sick days. So about every week or so it seems he stays home. He is home today and it makes hard on my mom having places for children to sleep. He does not come out of his room and he does not argue when the kids are there. So he does know what right and wrong is. Please help, I just need some advice on what to do or how to handle this. It is very hard on my husband and son too, It effects us all. Oh he has also withdrew all ther money out of there account when my mom came to visit us which she does often to get away from the stress plus to visit her grandson. (My father shows and acts like he loves our son but when we are around he avoids us and he said it is my mom\'s fault. He never comes to visit only if it has been the birth, baptism, and birthday.) Then he made her take it back to the bank later. She said she felt like a fool. He also told he lastnight that he would leave today and that he was taking every dime. But he still has not left.

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