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Relationship Triangulation

Sun, Sep 12th 1999

I am a divorced mother with 3 daughters. I am having major relationship problems with my eldest who is 16. Her father and I have a very strained relationship and when occasions arise for her to spend other time (than the normal visits) or when arrangements change, he refuses to discuss them with me and will pass messages and problems through my daughter - she then has to discuss them with me and make the appropriate arrangements. I feel that this is putting enormous strain on my relationship with my daughter, as it puts extra pressures and responsibility on her shoulders. I have tried to explain to her that she shouldn't be in this position - she is still a young person that needs guidance and shouldn't be trying to deal with all these problems and decisions. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I am at my wits end. There are continual arguments at home and she is always defending her fathers actions with me being portrayed as the 'baddie'. Please help. I really want a good healthy relationship with my daughter.

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