My Husband is Too AffectionateWed, May 5th 2010
When we first got together, it was wonderful to be constantly kissed, adored, complimented, most women would kill for a man like this. My husband is handsome, intelligent and funny, as well as having an abundance of emotional intelligence too. Sounds perfect, doesn't he! Don't get the idea I'm constantly looking for perfection, I'm not that kind of person. I'm ok with flaws, everyone has them. The problem is that recently I've started feeling a bit stifled by all the attention. Something that was lovely to begin with has started to become annoying, in that, for example, when I'm getting dressed for work in the morning, my husband will grab me and hug me, even if I'm in the middle of putting something on. He tells me he loves me about 10 times a day, and I find I'm not saying it back to him because I don't like that kind of automatism. I've never needed or received an overt amount of affection as a child. I've had good relationships as an adult and my last one lasted 9 years, but after a bad extraction (on my part) we've remained on friendly terms (although we're not really in touch regularly).
I've spoken to my husband about this, and he says he understands, but after about 2 days of trying to moderate his affection, he's back to square one. I know I sound ungrateful, but the more stifled I feel, the more I retreat and find I'm not giving him what he obviously needs. What's the best way to deal with this?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.